Those Words given by My Dad That Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate among men, who still hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."